No, not if February 2 were Super Bowl Sunday; more like the day the infamous rodent from Punxatawny, Penn. sees his shadow and darts back into his cove for six more weeks of winter dread.
Six weeks may as well be 16 years to a Bills fan. And if you had flashbacks of the last two decades, you likely weren't alone.
Quarterbacks. Coaches. Penalties. Missed opportunities. Among them, playoff games are conspicuously absent as the nightmare picked right up today where it left off the moment last season where the Bills clinched their 16th-straight winter without football.
Maybe Pegula Sports and Entertainment should follow-up "The Four Falls of Buffalo" with the "Five Stages of Grief for a Bills Fan."
Stage One: Get angry like you didn't expect this to happen. That you bought everything Rex & Co. sold you starting with that offseason victory in May. Re-air the pilot of Rex & Rob: Reunited tonight after the Bills recap show and tape fans' reactions from Buffalo area bars.
Stage Two: Deny that this year will be like the previous 16. That the Bills offense that sputtered today like the 2010 opener vs. Miami was simply because most of the offense didn't play together in the preseason and that somehow, Tyrod Taylor and Sammy Watkins will get it together because supposedly they're too good to fail. Showcase clips from the first half of last year's Chiefs loss.
Stage Three: Trying to rationalize what's happening by calling The John Murphy Show and offering (screened, perhaps planted) pep talks. New time! New co-host! Three hours! And now on MSG! The footage pratically makes itself.
Stage Four: Sadness and wonder where that money spent on season tickets or another QB jersey could have gone, or simply explaining to friends and relatives why your teen is a Steelers, Packers, or--gulp!--a Patriots fan. Show videos of families opening gifts every Christmas like an NFL Shop commercial, with each sibling and spouse and child opening different colored gear instead of the force-fed "Bills Run Deep" myth.
Stage Five: Do what the Borrellos have done for the last ten years. Treat each game and season like you've been there before, because well, you have. Run highlights of the Pegulas purchasing the team. At least we have one, right St. Louis? Right, Toronto?
Five is way easier.
That having been written and read, here are ten takes from another disappointing opener from you know who:
1. Tyrod Taylor. Offensive "guru" Greg Roman told anyone who'd listen this was the year the Bills would open up the playbook for their second-year signal caller. He just didn't say which page.
Taylor did make plays to keep the Bills lone scoring drive alive, but had a pedestrian day reassuring his former team he was and may still be what they thought he was when he was let go.
He locked onto receivers, overthrew open targets, only sought Sammy Watkins six times, had happy feet, made slow decisions and only threw for 111 yards.
There was a reason he was given a "prove-it" contract. Even Doug Whaley loses by winning with this one.
Which of the five stages will you hear to explain this one? No. 3: "His line was awful. Cordy Glenn left injured."
Yeah, that explains one pass play over 30 yards (Charles Clay, 33) when two Ravens averaged over 30 YPC. And this from an offense that scored one touchdown.
2. Clock mismanagement. Burning timeouts for missed challenges when it comes to a possible touchdown at the one is one thing. Timeouts to discuss 3rd-and-16s or to avoid delay-of-game penalties at the 12:06 mark of the fourth quarter are absurd. Could have used those to help slow the Ravens on that final drive.
Stage of Grief? No. 5: Acceptance. They've never been able to manage a clock, so why would it change now?
3. Shady McCoy. At 28, he's trying to do it all, and Trent Edwards--err--Tyrod Taylor made sure to give him plenty of chances. Well, at least in the first half. But even Shady needs some shade once in awhile at his advanced football age.
Stage of Grief? No. 3. You'll hear plenty of praise from Murph & Co. tomorrow.
Back to Shady's age. That brings up:
4. Reggie Bush. Goodness? Gracious! It's not a stretch to assume he may not finish the month as a Bill, let alone a season.
Stage of Grief: Two. Bills fans thinking Bush had anything left in the tank to begin with are the only fools and are as ardent as those who hate Colin Kasepernick right now.
5. Jerry Hughes. Made some big plays, but continued where he left off last season with his usual roughing-the-passer penalty. Fortunately, his highlight reel from Sunday made-up for that and his misunderstood Uber story.
Stage of Grief: Three, with a pinch of No. 1.
6. Penalties. Eight accepted for 89 yards. Yet, none of them cost the Bills other than Jerel Worthy's "leverage" penalty--which ate about two more minutes off the clock (thanks defense for limiting the damage). But two from your longsnapper? Then there's Hughes, and then Ronald Darby with an unsportsmanlike conduct on a PAT?
Stage of Grief: The Terrible Twos.
7. Secondary. Rex took the blame for Duke Williams getting burned on a third-and-one TD pass from Joe Flacco to Mike Wallace for 67 yards saying they doubled "the wrong guy." Then there's Mr. Darby, again, with the dropped pick-six which could have secured the win for and by the defense.
Two plays. Fourteen points? Unfair? Perhaps for an otherwise solid day. Maybe point the finger back at the offense.
Stage of Grief: Three. Kinda hard NOT to wonder about those two misses.
8. Rex saying he's the only coach who gives credit to the opponent--a well-coached Ravens team.
Whatever lets you sleep on the plane ride home; quick turnaround--the Jets are coming to town Thursday.
Stage of Grief: One. Double your misery. Two Ryans. Two years. Same ole' Trump-ian Billsh*t.
9. Brandon Tate's lone punt return for 21 yards. A Bengals castoff, yet, a lesser-known hasbeen than Bush or even Devin Hester, who looked like the NFL version of Willie Mays as a Met. Bills beat writers made Tate's return sound like the opening kickoff of Super Bowl XLI.
Yes, it may not have been a Ravens rout, but a Bills drought. And this was one of few shining moments.
Stage(s) of Grief: Two, Three and maybe Five. This is the best we can do, folks.
10. Dan Carpenter. He may have won the preseason since the Bills are into winning intanglible intangibles. And no, a 50-yarder isn't a gimmie. But, really Kick Rock? Really?
Just another Bill picking up where he left off last year.
Stage of Grief: Do we really want to go down this road today?
Yup, it's all been done. Annually. 'Tis the season.
But the only ones who can't seem to get used to it are the ones who keep buying hope like the Mega Millions.
Welcome to 2016, Bills fans. Act like you've been there before. It's way easier.
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